Monday, December 29, 2014

2014.

I haven't blogged a lot in 2014. A few posts have sort of buoyed up this blog, going viral and making me seem more legit than I actually am. But I really haven't written much in this space this year.

Part of that is because my year has been supremely lopsided. This space is intended for my "professional" thoughts - the things that occur to me while writing, or about writing, or anything even tangentially related to my non-personal life. Usually, my personal life and my public life are in balance, and this blogging space is a happy place for me to share my public thoughts.

This year, though, my personal life was more than overwhelming, and my brain-space and writing-time for public things was almost non-existent.

I've had a very difficult pregnancy this year. Usually I am physically fit and active and happy during pregnancy, but that has not been the case this time. I've had preterm labor and major contractions and pains all through the pregnancy. We finally pinpointed the source of my extreme dizziness and fatigue: I'm "super anemic" (doctors actual phrasing). While I'm glad I know what to do in order to fix it in time for the delivery (hopefully), it doesn't erase the months of tears and desperation.

My husband and I had a failed adoption earlier this year. It was a time of great pain and confusion and I'm not really able to talk about it openly yet. Partly because I still don't know how I feel about it or how I will ever feel about it, and partly because it's not my story to share.

My husband's business failed, leaving us in a financial crisis I could not have imagined. On this front, perhaps, we've been the luckiest, though. He was able to find other employment after only five months of no income, and we escaped total disaster. We are still rebuilding, though, and probably will deal with the fallout of this for years to come.

As we finish out this calendar year and look forward to a new one, I am happy to leave 2014 behind me. The new year brings with it a new baby (hopefully healthy!), settling into a new job, and a new sense of possibility.

I hope your 2014 was better than mine, I hope your 2015 is brimming with possibilities and hope and love.